Mindfulness

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Wednesday 13 January 2021

Adapted from True Refuge (2013) by Tara Brach.

The RAIN of Self-Forgiveness

The acronym RAIN, which considering we have plenty of in Ireland, should be easy to way for us remember the practice of mindfulness and self-compassion:

Recognize what is going on;

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;

Investigate with interest and care;

Nurture with self-compassion.

Recognizing means simply acknowledging our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, especially when we are suffering for a limited sense of self-belief about our own good nature. When we are criticising or blaming ourselves for how we’ve behaved, or feeling ashamed and afraid or anxious about the consequences.

Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations we have recognized simply be there, without trying to fix or avoid anything. When we’re caught in self-judgment, letting it be there doesn’t mean we agree the belief that we’re to blame or unworthy. Rather, we honestly acknowledge the arising of judgment, as well as the painful reality of our feelings.

Once we have recognised and allowed what is, we can investigate, or call on our natural curiosity to know ourselves in the present: How am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing about myself? Do I or can I feel a felt sense of what I truly need right now?

Whatever the inquiry, your investigation will be most transformational if you step away from conceptualising and bring your primary attention to the felt-sense in the body.

When investigating, it is essential to approach your experience in a non-judgmental and kind way. This attitude of care helps create a sufficient sense of safety, making it possible to honestly connect with our hurts, fears and shame.

Self-compassion begins to naturally arise in the moments that we recognize we are suffering. It comes into fullness as we intentionally nurture our inner life with self-care. To do this, try to sense what the wounded, frightened or hurting place inside you most needs, and then offer some gesture of active care that might address this need. Does it need a message of reassurance? Of forgiveness? Of companionship? Of love? Experiment and see which intentional gesture of kindness most helps to comfort, soften or open your heart. It might be the mental whisper, I’m here with you. I’m sorry, and I love you. I love you, and I’m listening. It’s not your fault. Trust in your goodness.

In addition to a whispered message of care, many people find healing by gently placing a hand on the heart or cheek; or by envisioning being bathed in or embraced by warm, radiant light. If it feels difficult to offer yourself love, bring to mind a loving being - spiritual figure, family member, friend or pet - and imagine that being’s love and wisdom flowing into you.

When the intention to awaken self-compassion is sincere, the smallest gesture of turning towards love, of offering love - even if initially it feels awkward - will nourish your heart.

When you’ve completed the active steps of RAIN, it’s important to just notice your own presence and rest in that wakeful, tender space of awareness. The fruit of RAIN is realizing that you are no longer imprisoned in the trance of unworthiness, or in any limiting sense of self. In other versions of RAIN, this is the N - not-identified. Give yourself the gift of becoming familiar with the truth and natural freedom of your being; it is mysterious and precious!

RAIN is an ongoing practice for life—a way of transforming doubts and fears with a healing presence. Each time we are willing to slow down and recognize, our thoughts and feelings whatever they may be we are de-conditioning our old habits and limiting self-beliefs. Gradually, whatever story we’ve been telling ourselves about not being good enough or happy enough as we are fades away, and we recognise and accept our experiential selves as we are.

You can take your time and explore RAIN one step at a time or move through the steps whenever challenging feelings arise. It’s a practice that awakens self-compassion, opens our hearts to allow everything in without exception.

A Meditation—The RAIN of Self-Compassion:

Sitting in a comfortable way, so you're alert and upright and also at ease. Begin by bringing to mind a difficulty that we've encountered— some situation or some circumstance that brings up emotional reactivity, whether it be fear or anger or hurt; some experience you'd like to bring this practice of mindfulness and compassion — the RAIN practice— to. It could be a situation in a relationship, some conflict, place of misunderstanding and reactivity. It could be something that goes on in your own behavior, some addictive kind of tendency. It could be something that comes up around work that brings up a feeling of failure or jealousy—anxiety.

You might sense the common denominator being that a difficulty that brings up in some way some self-aversion where you're down on yourself. Take some moments to sense that difficulty in a recent situation that it might have been where you might have been triggered.

Let yourself enter enough into that situation so you can sense what's going on and what's really activating you, what's bothering you. The beginning of RAIN is to recognize what's happening.

Some way to recognize, "OK, I'm stuck," to recognize whatever is predominant in your experience, whatever emotions or feelings you're most aware of. And hand in hand with that recognition is the "A" of rain, or the allowing-- to just let the experience be as it is. So the allowing is a quality of pausing and just making space for things instead of trying to fix it or get away from it. Simply acknowledging and giving some space for what's here. Notice what that's like—just agreeing to experience something for these moments.

You might sense in your own experience now as you have reentered a experience that had been triggering you if there's any difference in how you're in relationship with it. You explored it yesterday with the full practice of RAIN—investigating, bringing some nurturing, some compassion. Sense where you are right now.

And if there's anything that feels like it's calling you about the experience inside you, if you feel any call to deepen your attention or to offer some kindness right in this moment, you might sense what that's like. What happens if you just make some gesture of kindness, of understanding, of compassion inwardly?

Just to notice the presence that's here—the difference between being totally stuck inside an experience and that openness and presence and care that really expresses the truth of who you are. From the poet Wu Men: "Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn, a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter. If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life."

Which of the following resonates most of as a gift of self-forgiveness?

Feeling more loving towards others

Feeling connected to my true self

Escaping notions of a good/bad self

Freedom to be more spontaneous