Monday 18 January 2021: Martin Luther King Day
Today is the last meeting of our mentor group and I also received the last of modules; a session on Spiritual Maturity.
This is the journal prompt that goes with it:
Reflect on one or more people who really embody spiritual maturity for you and inspire you. How do you see these qualities emerging in yourself?
There were a few things in this last talk that struck a chord with me and what I have been writing about recently, particularly in terms of how I am learning to let go of my stories:
In the last video lesson of this two year teacher training in Mindfulness, Jack and Tara offer multiple stories that exemplify what it means to trust the power of the heart and awareness to awaken through all circumstances.
By the end of this session, [I am supposed to] be able to apply the analogy of consciousness manifesting as a crystal, helping [me] to recognize the multi-faceted realisations that can emerge through the awakening process and apply the skills of curiosity and loving awareness to support others in their mindful awareness practice.
No pressure!
“‘From the deepest place of awakening, consciousness itself, which is what we are and which creates life in the universe, manifests like a crystal. That is to say, in its purest state, consciousness is luminous and open and fertile and has all possibilities. When you shine light through a crystal, you get all the different wavelengths or colors of the rainbow, of red, green, violet, blue, and so forth. Consciousness has all these flavors when we turn toward awareness or consciousness itself.’ — Jack kornfield”
The idea is not to perfect yourself, but to perfect your love. To take this world as it is… to reach out and touch and mend the things that we can, but underneath it has to come from love and from a deep kind of trust. — Jack Kornfield
We have all these romantic and idealistic stories, even naturalistic ones of how life is supposed to be and it isn’t always as we’ve imagined and so be it.
Tara talks about weaving themes of spiritual maturity throughout the whole course of these stories and teaching we remember and forget again until we start just trusting in our readiness to let go of all our stories and just go with the flow.
Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash
‘[W]hen we're not living inside the story, then that heart that's ready for everything is available. And then it's possible to then describe it a child of wonder. We get to take in the wonder and the beauty that's there. ‘ — Tara Brach
An extract from a poem about letting go of our stories and our beliefs that speaks to this from Rumi is:
“There’s nothing to believe.
Only when I quit believing in myself
did I come into this beauty…
Day and night I guarded the pearl of my soul.
Now in this ocean of pearling currents,
I’ve lost track of which was mine.
- Rumi”
I thought about this in relation to my own stories around the theme of the breakdown of communication because I was afraid of losing the ones I loved by sharing my true feelings. It’s only now that I’m beginning to feel ready to let go of my past and trust in my ability to love and be loved again, that I can with mouth and eyes wide open speak from the heart . They say home is where the heart is but to remove the blinds to see through windows, even through doors I’d removed or left closed because I was afraid for a time of what find within. Reminded of the time I didn’t knock in case I would be disturbing the fatal lover within who was not making love but dying. He was in love but there was no one at home, for home is wherever the heart is and both of them were desperately searching for love only in the all the wrong faces and places.
I know that I’ve been holding on to my stories and perhaps over-identifying with the characteristics of someone with PTSD as a way of coping and also avoiding facing what comes after.
For our final Mentor Group session we took some time to reflect on our vision and aspiration for bringing teachings into the world. What did we sense is possible for us? What did we feel would most support us (for instance further practice, training, community, lifestyle changes, etc.)?
This may not be something we’ve thought about or find easy to express in community but one only has to share what one wants to share. I felt:
a need to risk opening my heart even more
a need to dig in the dirt
a need to reach out to more friends
a need to let go of my stories
a need to trust in myself and relationships
Our mentor, Rae, steered us away from justifying our needs, storytelling or wishing but to look within ourselves and ask that simple question: What do I need now?
We had about two minutes each to answer that question and thirty seconds in between to reflect before asking the next person to answer that question with the group listening.
I found the two minutes flew and I could have gone on longer, although it was probably enough. I found what Laura and Melainya said about taking more time for themselves to just be and to not feel, as mindfulness teachers or therapists, we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders is important.
While I am not a therapist I’ve often felt that I have to resolve other people’s problems and in particular those close to me. Were I a therapist I have no idea how I’d feel with people sharing and I imagine offloading their problems and perhaps looking to me to resolve or even absolve them.
When we reflected on our aspirations for bringing the teachings into the world and how would we continue on the dharma path I mentioned the trauma and social change conference I had attended and the serendipitous connection I had made with Stephan Wolfert from DECRUIT: treating trauma through Shakespeare and science.(https://www.decruit.org/)
AREA is an active network for artists and other professionals from all disciplines working in rural and thinly populated areas. We share experiences, practical and artistic knowledge, we research the methods and we support advocacy for arts in rural areas.
I also mentioned AREA, and my own writing, so I’m hoping to combine my interests in Arts practices as a way of mindful healing through storytelling on the radio, a virtual stage in these times.
There’s lots I could do alone, without ever moving outside my comfort zone or virtual bubble but what I really want to be able to do is to create and collaborate with others. This very much ties in with a book I started reading last night: The Fourfold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary:
When we are not present and empowered we are often caught in the shadow side of the Warrior archetype. We are not a leader but in rebellion against the system.
However, rebels need to respect the limits of others and take responsibilities only for their own actions or inaction, rather than criticise others.
“‘The rebel is over-identified with being independent and self-sufficient. Behind every rebel is a need for space. The underlying fear for the rebel is the fear of being limited, restricted, or restrained. The rebel who used leadership skills for personal gains faces diminished skill in being a team player, and eventually loses the respect of others. Taken to the extreme, the rebel becomes the narcissist and abandons effective leadership.’ ”
The rebel has authority issues and yet is often unwilling to claim personal responsibility, but prefers instead to be the victim and blame or judge others with resentment. However, we cease to be a rebel victim when we claim our own authority and begin to value collaboration with other effective leaders. Patterns of Invisibility: Low self-esteem and the inability to see oneself as talented and worthy means we often hide or try to lead from behind, which often leads to feeling a lack of recognition and fear to fulfill our own creative expression. What really struck a chord with me is that: ‘Underneath all patterns of invisibility is the fear of exposure and accountability.’
To come out of the shadow we need courage:
‘It is the Warrior’s way to embrace strengths and weaknesses. With all parts of ourselves embraced, illusions are more easily collapsed. This enables us to participate in life more fully.’This is why I need to let go of my traumatic past and embrace my present happiness and future. Angeles Arrien the author of The Fourfold Way, desires to show the bridge between cultural anthropology, psychology, and comparative religions and reveal how indigenous wisdoms are relevant to our relationship with ourselves, one another and the Earth.While reading and writing I recalled a recent talk I listened to as part of the Embodiment Conference between two native American Indians, on Indigenous Elder Knowledge and Wisdom for Modern Times, whose advice is summed up with these few words to introduce them:
“As the whirlwind intensifies - stay in your heart center. We have reversed the laws for living. Mother Earth is here to stay. She doesn’t need us to save her. She has lived for billions of years and she’ll live for billions more. The question is whether or not we humans will too. We have forgotten our niche in nature. We need to recall. We have been in our minds too long. We need to get back home, to our hearts. ”
It was one of the talks that moved me, alongside Alister McIntosh, one of the world’s leading environmental campaigners, best known for his work on land reform, climate change and spirituality.(http://www.alastairmcintosh.com/ )
His talk was on Embodying Community: Climate change, consciousness and cultural trauma and is worth watching if you want an insight into what’s currently happening in the United States, and their former president, who hasn’t given up the ghost of his past. ((https://portal.theembodimentconference.org/sessions/embodying-community-climate-change,-consciousness-and-cultural-trauma-j0b4c4))
I chose to read The Fourfold Way on the recommendation of Linn, my beloved heart’s partner, whose interests in self-development and living in harmony with nature are similar to my own, which is why we were drawn to each other “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. ”— Paulo Coelho.
I’ve spent a great deal of time in my mind, thinking and not as much in my body living, loving and doing more of the things I enjoy doing, like dancing and singing and walking and digging in the dirt. These are some of my intentions for the new year that’s in it and only yesterday we were gifted the use of some land to get our hands in the earth and plant some seeds in the spring. It’s not all about the planting or the harvesting for that matter. It’s also about looking after the land and not letting it go to waste. There’s not much point in preparing to plant either, if we don’t plant the seeds try to nurture them or else all the effort of learning to live in harmony with nature will come to nothing and when harvest times instead of gathering the fruits of our labour we discover a wasteland.
I can write and imagine, dream and envision but if I don’t fulfil my own needs and honour my good intentions who else will?
Of course I can’t be certain of what will be the impact of my actions but I can assume responsibility for my strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures and that is what I’m now doing by exposing my thoughts and plan of action.
I’m not hiding away or secretly competing. I’m sharing my thoughts and the wisdom of others and willing to collaborate and learn from anyone who is willing to share their own heart’s wisdom. I may be sensitive and at the same time insensitive to the needs of others but I’m willing to make mistakes, say the wrong thing, take criticism but I won’t take it lying down and I won’t stop being true to myself because it doesn’t suit some of you. Life, my life is for living and for giving. The question is:
Do you value your reasons for staying small more than the light shining through the open door?
Forgive yourself.
Now is the only time you have to be whole.
Now is the sole moment that exists to live in the light of your true Self.
—Danna Faulds
